Philosophy
by Lomesir
Summary: The things Emmett sees. The things Emmett hears. Set during New Moon. :Winner of Pelirroja's Fan Fiction Contest:


Author's Note: Thanks to Seraphyn for betaing (is that a word?) this story!

Philosophy

By Lomesir

This was not how I had imagined I would spend eternity.

For one thing, I expected people to smile. No one ever smiled anymore. Carlisle went about his business with a grim sort of expression that took the wind right out of my sails. Jasper wasn't quite as mopey as Carlisle, but I could see the pain and guilt in his eyes whenever someone made the catastrophic mistake of uttering anything that sounded like "Edward". Alice, even in Jasper's presence, was…distracted. It was as if she could feel emotions like Jasper could. Even my Rose, who had never made her dislike of Bella a secret, found it hard to be genuinely lighthearted about anything. But Esme was the worst.

If she had been able to shed tears, Esme would have started the night of Bella's party and never stopped. To her, her family was broken. By leaving Forks she had lost her newest daughter. Then she lost a son when Edward left for God-knows-where. The amount of pain in the house made Jasper distance himself more and more as the months went on, and, of course, Alice went with him. This was just another blow to Esme's once strong family. When Rosalie and I returned from Europe we found an echo of the strong and willful woman we call our mother.

Somehow, the greater part of the Cullen and Hale family reunited. Of course, Edward wasn't there, and, depending on whom you asked, Bella's absence was just as painful, though maybe for different reasons. It was as if our family's golden years had ended abruptly and a new, frighteningly dark, age was just beginning.

Yet, the world still turned and the sun still rose and I was still stuck inside, far away from its all-revealing rays. Some things never change.

Carlisle and Esme had gone on yet another hunting trip with Tanya and her coven and would be gone for the next few days. They didn't need more than an hour to hunt, but the atmosphere of the house made us all crazy, even without Jasper's ability. I couldn't imagine how he handled it.

Alice and Jasper were upstairs discussing philosophy, Jasper's latest scholarly endeavor, Rosalie was in the garage tinkering with her BMW, and I found myself doing something I rarely ever do: watching ESPN.

Two weightlifters added fifty pounds to their barbells and I turned off the TV. There was no way I was going to make myself sit through _that_. I hated to admit it but watching ESPN wasn't fun without Bella shushing me whenever I scoffed at the pitiful weakness of the athletes. I was bored the moment the screen turned black so I got off the couch and walked out of the house. I walked over to the garage and poked my head into the cavernous room. Rosalie's beautiful face looked up when she heard my approach.

"Hi, honey," I said, my voice a lot lighter than my mood.

"Got tired of making fun of weak little boys?" Rosalie asked as she wiped black smudges off her hands with a rag. I ignored the question and shrugged.

"There was just nothing good on," I told her honestly. "How's the car?"

"Tuned up and in perfect condition," Rosalie said proudly, her voice taking on a purr that I only ever heard when she was talking about her car or to me _very_ privately.

"Do you want to go out somewhere tonight? There's not much to do around here." It was true. Boredom was an inevitable part of being immortal, but lately I felt as if my brains were leaking out of my ears. Rosalie shook her head.

"Not really." That ended the discussion. We stood there in silence for a moment, both staring off into the distance. Suddenly, Rosalie turned around, put her rag away and closed her tool bin.

"If Edward were here, I'd suggest we all go for a race or something. We haven't done that in a while," she said as she slid her toolbox under a worktable. Rose's tone was frivolous and unconcerned on the surface, but I heard an undercurrent of something else. I spoke before I thought about what I was saying or who I was saying it to.

"I wish Edward were here."

I regretted my words instantly. Rosalie whirled around, her nostrils flaring and her eyes coal black.

"_Stop saying that_!" She shrieked. She stalked toward me, eyes blazing. "Don't you _get_ it, Emmett? He's not coming back! Wishes will not bring him home, and I'm tired of your complaining!"

_I_ was tired of this argument and wasn't going to be silenced this time.

"Then why'd you bring it up, Rose?" I challenged. "You miss him as much as I do, admit it!"

"I don't miss _him_, I miss our old life," she snapped. "To hell with Edward! He started this whole fiasco, and it won't end until he gets over _her_."

I could feel this "discussion" sliding into the mold of every other one we had had in the last six months. I opened my mouth to argue, but Rosalie continued. "And we both know that that's not going to happen anytime soon."

I wanted to bang my head against something. I was sick of this. I was sick of grieving. I was sick of wondering what would have happened…_if_. Rosalie stared defiantly back at me for a long second before I simply turned and went back inside. Who needed this?

Jasper and Alice were curled up on the couch in the living room, a philosophy book balanced between their laps. They looked up at me as I entered. Jasper started to say something, but I didn't let him finish. "Don't even get me started, man."

Rosalie followed me into the room but kept a careful distance, huffing angrily every once in a while. We sat down in opposite corners of the room. The living room was as silent as a tomb, and about as comfortable, while Jasper and Alice carefully avoided looking at us and Rosalie and I threw glares at each other. Alice finally broke the silence.

"What do you guys think Justice is?" she asked, tension making her voice higher than usual.

Rosalie snorted and looked at the wall. "Edward getting a kick in the pants, among other things." We all ignored her.

"People getting what they deserve," I offered blandly. Jasper snapped the book shut suddenly.

"But who decides what we deserve?" Jasper asked me, leaning forward. I thought about that for a moment.

"See, this is why I hate philosophy," I grumbled. "You sit around and think about things that shouldn't be thought about."

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Explain, please."

I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. "Think about it, what has philosophy brought us? Nothing. We can try to define justice, but it's not possible. Yet, somehow, we know what it is when we see it in action and we can see its absence. But we still can't _define_ it. Philosophy is useless because everything you talk about cannot be changed. That's why you study Justice in philosophy class. And why should you? I mean, how is trying to define an indefinable concept going to better the world?"

Jasper nodded slowly. "That's a valid point. Philosophy is at best a questionable subject." Jasper appeared to be searching for words for a minute. "But that's what I like about it. It's kind of like us." Three pairs of eyes fell on him.

"Come again?" Rosalie said flatly.

Jasper shrugged. "We're vampires, but what does that mean about us? Does drinking blood really make us damned creatures, or is that only humanity's perception about us? Humans are wrong about pretty much every other aspect of our existence, so why should they be right about that one?"

Nobody said anything.

"I…don't think…we're going to heaven…if that's what you mean," Rosalie said slowly. "Unlike our_ brother_, I think we have souls, I just don't think that we'd be welcomed too warmly at the pearly gates."

"I agree with Rosalie, at least a little," Alice chimed in. "Why should being immortal rid us of our souls? We're not actually immortal; everything with a beginning has an end. We're all going to die…someday."

I had thought about this subject a lot in the last few months, and my views had changed quite a bit. "I agree with Alice," I added. "But why would we be kicked out of heaven? I feel safe saying that we're all sorry for our many transgressions, and I've always believed in a merciful god."

A strained silence followed my words; it was the sound of Edward not saying anything. We all heard it; we had all had this talk before in various forms, and it was usually here that Edward cut in with his own particular brand of pessimism. Before anyone could dwell on it too long, Alice opened up the book and flipped to the page she and Jasper had been looking at before.

It was then, when Rosalie reclined in her chair admitting defeat to something I couldn't see and when Alice leaned into Jasper's protective arms and he embraced her a little more fiercely than usual…it was then that I had to ask. I had to get this weight off my mind or otherwise go crazy.

"Do you think he did the right thing?"

Jasper went stiff, and Alice inhaled sharply. Rosalie crossed her arms and turned her head away from me. I had asked The Forbidden Question.

"I've seen everything as it was and how it is, and I don't think that this has fixed anything. We've seen him, and he's a mess. No, he's more than a mess, he's _broken_," I explained. As soon as the words started, they didn't stop. "And sure, Bella is human, but he's a bigger idiot than I thought if he thinks that she'll actually get over him." I put my head in my hands. Jasper sighed.

"But he left for her safety, and in his mind, her soul. That's hardly idiotic."

"But that's not a life," I shot back. "If Rosalie ever left me, I'd die. Maybe not physically, but internally I'd be gone." Rosalie glanced at me, her expression unreadable.

"There's nothing we can do now," Alice said quietly.

Suddenly, Rosalie stood up. "We're going hunting, Emmett," she announced. "I need to kill something."

Rosalie and were outside a minute later, the fresh air doing a lot to clear our senses. I could almost feel the depression emanating from the house. We had just stepped past the tree line when Rosalie paused.

"I forgot to put up my hair. I'll be right back." I leaned against a tree and waited for her to come back. I always used to laugh at how much she hated messing up her hair. Less than a minute later, she was at my side again, but this time she looked a trifle smug.

"What is it?" I asked curiously. Rosalie just stroked my hair with her long fingers.

"It's nothing," she purred. "Alice had a vision, that's all."

We were off then, running through the trees towards our prey. Rosalie turned to me while we were running.

"Let's make this quick—I have to make a call when we're done."

I nodded. "Sure." Rosalie was definitely in a better mood, and I was eager to know why.


End file.
